She also said, or part two

Continuing the previous post and completely unrelated, there was this blog in Romanian sometime ago, fumarel.blogspot.com, it’s still there but kinda with 90% of all the posts deleted. Luckily 25% is still on archive.org, the rest is gone, and the author currently dwells in the social activism genre.

I’ll quote whatever in whichever order.

ies la un ceai cu o prietena, si la un moment dat se apleaca peste masa si ma intreaba cu glas soptit:
- auzi irina, cum sta treaba cu sado-masochismul?
- pai uite, zic, pe tine te doare cand te epilezi inghinal?
- da da, zice, pe tine nu?
- ba si pe mine ma doare, zic. capul!!!
- pai de ce capul?
- ca stiu ca urmeaza sa ma excit iar!!!!

I went for a tea with a friend, and after a while she asked to confess in a soft voice, saying:
-you know, how does the sado-thing works?
-well, I say, does waxing-off your pubic hair hurts?
-well yea sure, doesn’t it hurt you as well?
-of course it hurts me, i say. my head!
-your head?
-yeah, out of excitement for what’s next!

bai, am impresia ca societatea, biserica, oamenii, toti conspira la tampirea mea. asta e primul semn de schizofrenie, stiati? cica schizofrenicii sunt cei mai inteligenti oameni. eh, deci nu sunt schizofrenica.

hey, you know, sometimes i feel that society, the church, the people and everyone conspires to dumb me down. did you know this is the first sign of schizophrenia? it is said that schizo people are the smartest. ah, well, guess i can’t be schizo, can i.

. Un amic curios, ma intreba de caciula. Ma doare capul, ii zisai. De la raceala? intreba. De la abstinenta, facui eu o gluma. Si doar eu ma amuzai, ca omul lua o mimica serioasa.
- Pai de pe blog reiese altceva, zisa el
- Ce reiese? intrebai cu ochii cat cepele
- Ca te futi in draci, imi zisa el pe sleau

a curious friend had asked me why i’m wearing a wool hat and i’ve said my head hurts. having a cold? he asked. nope, from sexual abstinence, i joked… and i was the only one to laugh, because his face changed into disbelief:
-well, according to your blog, it’s different, said him
-different how?
-well you fuck like there’s no tomorrow, he said in familiar tone.

Groaznic. Tot incerc sa fiu fata buna si nu-mi iese. Ca la cursurile de teatru, cand ma pune profa sa fac jocuri de grup, si sunt asa penibila zambind si comunicand, ca-mi vine sa vomit. Deci zici ca e group therapy. Support group din ala in stil american. Ieri ne-a pus sa ne identificam cu un animal, si cand a venit randul meu sa imit un animal cu care ma identific, m-am pus in patru labe si am facut ca o pantera. Adica am sarit la gatul unui coleg. Bai, si s-a speriat ala. Si s-a facut liniste. Groaznic. Ieri dupa ce am vorbit cu un chelner imaginar, am vomitat 3 ore dupa. Si te mai miri ca actorii sunt dusi cu pluta. Pai cum sa iesi normal de acolo? Vezi chelneri imaginari si auzi sunete de jungla peste tot dupa aia. Eu pentru stand-up m-am dus la curs. Acum pot sa fac stand-up cu prieteni imaginari.

awful. i keep trying to be a good girl but i can’t. like at my theatre courses, where our teacher makes us play in groups, and i’m so awkward while smiling and talking that i can feel the vomit in my throat. it’s like we’re an american group of supportive therapy. yesterday, she asked us to identify with an animal, and when my turn came in, i imitated a panther on her four legs, that is, i jumped at the neck of a colleague. he shat his pants. and silence surrounded me. awful. yesterday, after talking to an imaginary waiter, i puked for three hours. and sometimes you ponder the fact whether actors are lunatics. well, how can you get out of there remaining a normal person? you see imaginary waiters and hear jungle sounds everywhere. i signed up for this course for the stand-up classes. now i can do stand ups with imaginary friends.

cunoscui un tip dragut. ne plimbaram putin si apoi ne asezaram pe o banca in parc, cand observa dezamagit:
- ai buzele subtiri, inseamna ca esti o femeie rea
sa moriiiii tuuuu?????????????????????

i’ve met a nice guy. we walked together for a while, then sat on a bench in the park and suddenly he remarked:
-you have thin lips, that means you’re a mean woman
no shit, fuck you?

Am visat azi-noapte ca umblam goala pe strada. Intrebai azi in stanga si in dreapta ce inseamna asta. E semn de boala, e de rau, e de bine, e pacat, e rusine. E pe dracu’, zic in gand, e semn ca o sa ma duc pe la Vama Veche.

dreamed last night i was walking nude down the street, so today i asked around what’s the meaning of such dream. some said it’s the sign of a disease, a bad omen, that it’s fine, that it is a sin, that’s a shame… fuck it, i said to myself, it’s a sign that i’m hitting the beach.

Imi scrie un tip mesaj ” Ti-am citit blogul, cat de mult am putut din el”. Si vrei sa-ti multumesc pentru efort sau ce?

a guy wrote to me “i’ve read your blog, as much as i could”. so, you want me to thank you for the effort or what?

Am un amic caruia i-am pus porecla. Prima oara mi-a povestit ca a fost la un pas sa futa o amica. Apoi m-a prins beata la un chef si mi-a zis a doua zi ca a fost la un pas sa ma futa. Nu-mi aduc aminte, dar daca zice el, bineeeeeeee, fieeeee, a fost la un pas. Si uite asa i-am pus porecla “un pas”.

I have a friend whom I’ve nicknamed as “a step”. once, he told me he was a step away to fuck a friend of his. afterwards, he once caught me drunk at a party and next day he told me that he was just a step away from fucking me. I don’t really recall that, but, if he says so, fiiine, just a step away. so, that’s how I granted him the nickname of a step.

Trec pe langa un grup de tineri, si unul dintre ei exclama cand imi vede soarele tatuat pe umar: Liniste ba, ca a rasarit soarele. Ma opresc, si ma intorc spre el. Ce ai zis? intreb. Nimic zice. Ma indrept spre el. Ce ai zis? intreb din nou. Nimic, zice din nou. Mai ramane un centimetru intre mine si el. Ce ai zis? intreb din nou. Ca rasare soarele, zice. Unde rasare? zic. Sus pe cer, zice. Sigur? zic. Sigur, zice

I passed by a group of teenagers and one of them says, after having seen my tattooed shoulder: shh, be quiet, the sun is risen. I stopped, I went back. What did you say? Nothing. I went against him. What did you say? Nothing, he says again. We were separated by at most one centimeter. What.did.you.say? I asked again. That the sun is rising, he said. Where does it? Above, on the blue sky, he said. You sure? I said. Sure, he answered.

Ies la o bere cu un amic si povestim. Ma tot intorc la un fost iubit, zic, ca nu gasesc nimic mai bun. Lasa, zice, ca o sa gasesti tu pana la urma pe unul care sa te bata mai bine.
Sa moriiii tuuu???????????????????????

I’m out with a friend having a drink. I said, ‘I keep going back to my ex, cause I can’t find anything better’. Well, he said, “you’ll probably find another one that’ll beat you better”. To hell, fuck you?!

plecai de acasa si pe drum trecui pe langa o statie de taxiuri si un taximetrist stationat ma claxona. Ce e ba tarane, il intrebara niste colegi, ti-a scapat mana pe claxon?

Iesisem la o bere cu niste amici, si unul dintre ei ma intreba. auzi irina, tu te-ai culcat cu tipul ala?? in sfarsit, zic incantata, cere cineva si versiunea mea.

went out and during the trip, i passed by a taxi’s park lot and this guy kept blowing the horn. “Dude, what, has your hand fell asleep the horn?”

i had went out for a drink with some friends. one of them asked me: hey irina, have you slept with that guy? finally, i say, someone asks my story.

Adevarul e ca de 9 luni, de cand m-am mutat, ma doare capul non-stop. M-am mutat ptr prietenul meu, o chestie interesanta. Zic chestie pentru ca are 19 ani. E adevarat ca e mai mic cu 11 ani ca mine, dar mie mereu mi-au placut baietii mai tineri. n fine, sunt fericita. Stau intr-o garsoniera de 14 metri patrati cu o chestie de 19 ani, fac doua ore cu metroul pana la serviciu, iar colegii mei de la serviciu cred ca eu ma duc la baie ca sa trag cocaina pe nas.

truth be told, for the past nine months, ever since I’ve moved, my head hurts 24h a day. I moved out for my boyfriend, an interesting thing. and I’m saying a thing because he’s nineteen. It’s true he’s younger than me by an eleven years of difference, but, I’ve always liked younger boys. Anyway, I’m happy. I live in an fourteen squared meters student dorm with a thing of nineteen years old, I commute for up to two hours till I get to work, and my coworkers think I go to the bathroom to snort cocaine.

Aveam un gagic nebun, bine, era un inceput de nebunie, dar asta cand o ai, nu mai da inapoi. Si nebun si zodie proasta la barbati: gemeni. Barbatii gemeni sunt mai nebuni decat cei din alte zodii. Bine, la inceput l-am iubit. Apoi m-a inselat, alea. Am pierdut 7 ani din viata. Aproape. Macar m-am futat bine. Dar omul era nebun, era in secta lui bivolaru, se ruga inainte sa ne futem, astia traiesc doar ca sa futa . Bine ca nu m-a taiat si mi-a dat sangele lui dumnezeu jertfa. Am scapat. Decat ca asta, mai bine ma fut 5 minute sanatoase si traiesc fericita. Dupa ce m-a inselat, ma tot cauta. Mi-a recunoscut odata, in rarele ocazii in care am vorbit, ca sunt singura pe care a iubit-o si bla bla, ca stie ca nu mai da peste una ca mine, stiti voi, d-astea. Si nu e singurul care mi-a zis asta, mai era unul dinainte. Nu ca as fi eu nush ce, dar ei au zis-o. Bine, nici cu asta de acum nu mi-e rusine, si ma iubeste, aia e. Mi-am dorit mereu un barbat sa ma iubeasca si uite-l. Daca stii ce cauti, ai noroc. Cam asa e.

I used to have a crazy boyfriend, well, not really, he was beginning to encrazy, but this thing, when it gets hold of you, it’s forever. Crazy and under a bad zodiac sign, a Gemini. Gemini men are crazier than the rest of the signs. Well, at first I loved him. But then he cheated on me. I lost about seven years of my life but at least I fucked good. But the guy was really crazy, he was part of a tantric sex sect, he prayed before sex, these people only live for sex. I give thanks that I wasn’t cut and offered for God. I managed to escape. Better than this, I’d rather prefer to fuck for five healthy minutes and live happy afterwards. After he cheated on me, he kept contacting me. He claimed, in the rare occasions we actually talked, that I was the only woman her ever loved blah blah, and he knows he won’t find another one to replace me, so on, you know, bullshit. And he’s not the first who told me that, there was one before him. Not that I’m a femme fatale, but they’ve said it. Well, I’m not ashamed of myself with the guy I’m currently now, and he loves me, and that’s it. I’ve always wanted someone to love me and here he is. If you know what you’re looking for, you find it. Such is life.